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• Comrades, the brain damage is now contagious, and those least able to tolerate the damage are now affected. Congresswoman Takes A Knee On The House Floor To Protest.

Study shows NFL protests linked to brain damage. Oslo, Norway: 2. 01. Nobel Peace Prize goes to advocacy group about which you'll forget immediately after reading this headline. Cambridge, MA, library to replace racist 'Cat in the Hat' with inclusive 'Che in a Beret'Millions of men worldwide eagerly await broadcast of Hugh Hefner's funeral, solely for the articles. Bill Gates offers to pay for Trump's wall on condition he gets to install Windows. Bernie Sanders introduces single- payer public transportation bill to end America's unequal, unfair, and expensive private transportation system.

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DNC embroiled in controversy after official Twitter account accidentally 'likes' pictures of US Constitution and Bill of Rights. Hurricane Irma hits Cuba, causes millions of dollars worth of improvements to property and infrastructure. Climate study: extreme weather may be caused by unlicensed witches casting wrong spells in well- meaning effort to destroy Trump Ex- president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia. CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes.

ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers. When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was.

CNN: We must bring America into the 2. Constitution with 1.

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2. Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 9. Everything is dead.

All is lost. Life on Earth is no more. DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago. Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same. BOMBSHELL: TMZ offers Kathy Griffin $5 mil to keep any future sex tape private.

DEVELOPING: CNN, Wa. Po, NYT anonymous sources say Vladimir Putin may have ties to Russia. BREAKING: Manning and Snowden have come out with strong condemnation of Donald Trump leaking classified information to Russia. Gun store goes into lockdown over report an "active university professor" roving the grounds. Dozens injured at Ralph Lauren & Louis Vuitton headquarters after Ivanka calls in missile strikes on rival fashion houses. BOMBSHELL: Evidence proves Donald Trump conspired with his campaign to defeat Hillary Clinton.

After 162 days and 40 sessions in the high-pressure hyperbaric oxygen treatment (HBOT) chamber, Harch reported that Carlson could walk and that much of the brain. VideoSexArchive is a free porn tube with lots of hot fucking XXX for all tastes and your satisfaction. Will always find yourself something new and take a fancy. The brain is an organ that serves as the center of the nervous system in all vertebrate and most invertebrate animals. The brain is located in the head, usually close.

University ranked "very intolerant of free speech" fights the accusation by banning the study and all involved. Concerned that Russians don't consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia's Orthodox Church makes St. Patrick's Day​ official holiday. Grassroots group calls for "The Million Regulators March" on Washington, supported by all who fear the loss of their betters telling them what to do. Experts: Starbucks CEO Schultz's hiring of 1. Muslim refugees likely to blow up in his face. Will the groundprog be frightened by its own shadow and hide - or will there be another season of insane protests?

Trump signs executive order making California and New York national monuments; residents have two days to vacate. Women's March against fascism completed with 4. Feminist historians uncover ghastly concentration camps where so- called "housewives" were forced to live inauthentic lives slaving away in kitchens. Dictionary of the future: Global Warming was a popular computer simulation game, where the only way to win was not to play"Anti- fascist" groups violently protest misspelling of their original name, "aren't- we- fascists"Post- inauguration blues: millions of democrats distraught as the reality of having to find real jobs sets in"Journalism is the continuation of war by other means" is exposed as a fake quote by mainstream media journalists. Congressional Democrats: "We cannot just simply replace Obamacare with freedom because then millions of Americans will suddenly become free"Schoolchildren jailed for building only white snowmen.

Obama's reckless attacks on Russia serve as recruitment tool to create more Russian hackers. Hillary: "I lost, so I'm going to follow our democratic traditions, poison the wells, and scorch the earth"Children in Venezuela cook and eat their Christmas toys. Hillary: "I can hack Russia from my bathroom"Hillary suggests to counter "fake news" with government newspaper called "Truth" ("Pravda" for Russian speakers)BREAKING: Millions of uncounted votes found on Hillary's private voting machine in her Chappaqua bathroom.

New York Times: Fidel Castro world's sexiest corpse. After years of trial and error, CIA finally succeeds with the "waiting it out" technique on Fidel Castro. Post- election shopping tip: look for the Politics. Free label at your local grocer to make sure you don't buy from companies that don't want your business anymore. In Hillary's America, email server scrubs you.

Obama transfers his Nobel Peace Prize to anti- Trump rioters. Democrats blame Hillary's criminal e- mail server for her loss, demand it face prison. Afraid of "dangerous" Trump presidency, protesters pre- emptively burn America down to the ground. Clinton Foundation in foreclosure as foreign donors demand refunds. Hillary Clinton blames You. Tube video for unexpected and spontaneous voter uprising that prevented her inevitable move into the White House. Sudden rise in sea levels explained by disproportionately large tears shed by climate scientists in the aftermath of Trump's electoral victory.

FBI director Comey delighted after receiving Nobel Prize for Speed Reading (6. U. N. deploys troops to American college campuses in order to combat staggeringly low rape rates.

Responding to Trump's surging poll numbers, Obama preemptively pardons himself for treason. Following hurricane Matthew's failure to devastate Florida, activists flock to the Sunshine State and destroy Trump signs manually.

Tim Kaine takes credit for interrupting hurricane Matthew while debating weather in Florida. Study: Many non- voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote.

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush. Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food. Breaking: the Clinton Foundation set to investigate the FBIObama ​​captures rare Pokémon ​​while visiting Hiroshima. Movie news: 'The Big Friendly Giant Government' flops at box office; audiences say "It's creepy"Barack Obama: "If I had a son, he'd look like Micah Johnson"White House edits Orlando 9.

NRA and Republican Party. President George Washington: 'Redcoats do not represent British Empire; King George promotes a distorted version of British colonialism'Following Obama's 'Okie- Doke' speech, stock of Okie- Doke soars; NASDAQ: 'Obama best Okie- Doke salesman'Weaponized baby formula threatens Planned Parenthood office; ACLU demands federal investigation of Gerber. Watch Surrogates Streaming.

Experts: melting Antarctic glacier could cause sale levels to rise up to 8. Travel advisory: airlines now offering flights to front of TSA line.