Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us.

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Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Tampa Bay Bucs.

Your 2. 01. 6 record: 9- 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2. The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9.

Tavon Austin’s total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up- and- coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte. During real games, no less! Your coach: Dirk Koetter. Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks… But I’ve been doing it for 3.

I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below . So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this season’s designated Hard Knocks victim. Let’s see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, it’s like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year.

Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston! Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser! Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you. What a hardship it must have been. For YOU. Now Jameis is free to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies”: Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameis’s uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, it’s like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re- enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun.

By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this season’s Hard Knocks. Here he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating: Technically, that’s ALSO sexual assault.

And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5. That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh!

I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster.

I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse. Oh, nothing coach. Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place [FARTS]” What’s new that sucks: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER. Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick Folk…Priceless.

That’s what you get for FSU- ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom. Watch Blood Road HD 1080P. GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.“I’m owning up to it by releasing him.

It was a bold move and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what else to say.” “Bold” isn’t the word I’d use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here! On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De.

Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests. Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the team’s ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahan’s playsheet should have been inducted way before him. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five- figure club tab.

What has always sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this site’s former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area.

The Bucs stadium isn’t even the most popular building on its block (that honor goes to Mons Venus). There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long.

I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi- fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Kyou Kara Maou Episode 8 English Dubbed.

Tampa is the worst. It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere. Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down. Watch Wedding Daze Online.

A local middle school tried to sell kids a $1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck: They’re good enough on offense to score 4. Did you know? HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS! Matthew: Robert Aguayo.

Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton: There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist. Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex: Fuck Josh Freeman.

Watch Record- Setting NASA Astronaut Peggy Whitson Return to Earth Tonight. NASA astronaut and biochemist Peggy Whitson will return to Earth as the planet’s new record holder for longest time cumulatively spent on space by an American or a woman this weekend, touching down in a Russian Soyuz capsule in Kazakhstan at 7: 2. Eastern). Whitson has spent the last nine and a half months in Earth orbit on the International Space Station, per the Washington Post, and counting her previous flights, will have logged 6. During her current mission, she also set the world record for oldest woman in space at 5. As the Post noted, she is also the only female astronaut to have commanded the ISS twice.

According to the Post, one of the colleagues returning with her has spent even longer in the aether: Russian cosmonaut Fyodor Yurchikhin, who has cumulatively spent eight more days aloft than Whitson at 6. The current world record holder, cosmonaut Gennady Padalka, spent some 8. Russians have long dominated both cumulative and single- flight durations in space; the single longest spaceflight record holder is Valeri Polyakov, who spent just short of 4. As Tech. Crunch noted, Whitson was scheduled to return in June but “happily accepted” an invitation to stay on the ISS longer when Russian space agency Roscosmos canceled a joint mission to the station earlier in 2. Also accompanying Whitson and Yurchikhin on their way home is US astronaut Jack Fischer, who will have spent 1. Whitson wrote she will “hugely miss the freedom of floating and moving with the lightest of touch, especially those first few days after my return when gravity will especially SUCK,” the Post reported.

She will also miss “the enchantingly peaceful limb of our Earth,” adding, “Until the end of my days, my eyes will search the horizon to see that curve.” Watch Whitson, Yurchikhin and Fischer’s return in real time via NASA’s live feed below.[Tech.